Butterfly
by Noticablenotpretty
Summary: Tobias 'Four' Eaton self-harm one shot *Trigger warning* for cutting takes place in Alleigant


Tobias/Four's POV:

I remember exactly when it started. Sometime in my early childhood, I'm sure, as a result of one of the countless beatings I'd received. Marcus picked up one of his box cutters and had slid it across my shoulder, opening a line. Blood rushed out of the shallow cut and all I could focus on was the brilliant red leaving my body. He continued to beat me until I was left with purple and black bruises all over. Later that night, I stole the blade out of his desk and pressed it against the skin on my right arm. Mesmerizing. The same thing kept happening as I sat in the initiate quarters while everyone else are meals. Leaving Abnegation wasn't a choice I made because I was selfish, it was a decision- no- an escape. Dauntless. The brave.  
"Four, put the blade down or I'll have to take it from you." Amar had not been surprised to find me cutting into my left arm while the other initiates were at dinner one night.  
"How'd you know?"  
"That's not important. You and I both know that you're getting a top place. You'll be able to choose your job- away from him forever. Please promise me you'll stop."  
"I promise." The last words I ever spoke to Amar. They killed him for being Divergent.  
-Present-  
I never truly stopped cutting myself until I began training the initiates. Even then I kept hurting myself, just on my thighs instead.  
"Tobias." Amar, who I recently found out is alive, calls me out of the Hotel for a walk in an abandoned section of The Compound. "I thought you might like an explain as to why I'm not dead." I simply nod at the statement, absentmindedly tugging my sleeves over the heel of my hand. Amar doesn't seem to notice it as he explains how the Bureau saved him. "Now I've explained, your turn." He says, his face turning stern.  
"What do you need me to explain?" I ask innocently.  
"Fuck, Tobias." He runs his fingers through his hair and turns to me. "Why are you still cutting?"  
"What are you-" He grasps my arms roughly and pulls up the sleeves, revealing rows upon rows of fresh and scabbing cuts on top of thick, white scars. I sigh, silently giving up the idea of lying to him. "The memories. Marcus. deaths I've caused. Everything."  
"Tobias Eaton, you were born into an awful life inside a city that spoon fed you lies like little glass beads. They controlled you and absolutely tried to wreck you. He hurt you in ways a child should never even imagine, but don't you see how far you've come? You are brave. And selfless, I've seen it with Beatrice. And kind, and honest, and smart. You are everything anyone could hope for you to be. Choosing Dauntless was a risk that you took as an escape but you became that choice and all four of the other choices. You have no need to keep doing this to yourself and Tris deserves to know." I finally meet his eyes as he says the last part.  
"No." I tell him plainly. I can't tell her.  
"She deserves to know."

-Time Lapse-

"T-Tris?" I say unsteadily to her in our room that night. Our fingers are interlaced and she is lying with her head on my stomach. She sits strait up and catches my eyes when I say this. "I need to um, I need to tell- show you something." She looks at me suspiciously through narrowed eyes as I finger my wrist. Slowly, I inch my sleeve up, revealing the wounds to her.  
"Oh, Tobias." She cries and pulls me into a deep kiss. Seconds later, she pulls away. "Do you have a pen?" She asks and I hand her a blue one from the side table. She grasps my arm lightly and draws a butterfly on an unscarred part of my arm and writes 'Tris' under it.  
"Now, if you cut again before it fades, you're essentially killing me. That's okay, though, because I'm taking your blades. Where are they?" My eyes drift to the mattress but I say nothing. "Up." She takes three blades from in between the mattresses and leaves the room.

-Time Lapse-

"Tris!" I shout at her as we walk out of the testing room. I am not special. I couldn't even fight off my own father. There is nothing good about me. Damaged.  
"Yeah, Tobias?" She asks, jogging slightly to catch up with my long strides. I stop dead in my tracks and stare into her eyes.  
"I need it. Please. Just this once. One. I promise. Just one." I plead with her, the only thing on my mind is the blade.  
"Tobias, look at me. Breathe. In. Out. Think of your butterfly, you can't kill it." I think of Tris' name on my arm and nothing but it and once again she has saved me from myself. I hug her tight to my chest.  
"I love you, Beatrice Prior."  
"And I you, Tobias Eaton."  
"Always."  
"Okay."

~Fin~  
A/N: This is strictly a one shot but tell me how you feel about it by reviewing and maybe I'll turn it into a story? Also check out my other multi-chap self-harm fanfiction called 'Pain.'


End file.
